Brother just came back from camp, and am i sad that i wasnt able to attend. And so he was telling me n mum all the things that happened there, and i was just in awe at what God did there. The speaker was a missionary in China. phew, and he hasnt been preaching in english for a very long time, according to my brother, he spoke really well, and everyone was challenged. Boy, i really wished i went, but too bad i couldnt skip classes. oh well. The speaker also mentioned some stuff about the end times, that our generation will be the last. When i heard that, i felt a little scared and worried about what is to come. This wasnt the first time people has prophesied over my generation, and i dont think this will be the last. See, everytime some one speaks about the end times and that it'll be during my time, i always think that, that cant happen so soon, cuz i havent done enough.

Argh, shu ern, hurry up, get out there and start working on those around you!! im sure u dun wanna see them die right!

Yeah, God i really need your strength in this, i cant do this on my own.

Yes, just knocked the pavement when coming out of my parking today, rats, well, good thing my saga didnt dent in. But then, dad saw something and i got a lecture on looking after my car. But hey, practice makes perfect right, yeah, but that doesnt mean i can go round knocking everything i see or dont see.^^

Had a really big fat lunch today, was so full. Anyone going for fish and chips do head over to Fish & Co. at 1u. The price is reasonable, the portion is large, theres desert and an appetizer. Oh, by the way, its a setlunch. And the best part is, the fish is 100% original. ^^ Y'know, the fish at other places are usually small and "pirated"..i mean, they mix the fish with something else, and its super small. Well, this one is real, cuz im seeing real fish meat when im eating it. Alright, im not good at explaining this. Nevermind.

Now for something more serious.

Have you ever felt sometimes that what you are doing feels so fake? yeah, im feeling that now. i was just taking time to reflect on everything and i feel that i really have been faking a lot of things. i have been doing things i never do, saying things i never say. Its not that im doing this on purpose. I feel like, when im out in the world, im another person. Somebody im not usually. When i get back, ill be tired, empty, and emotionless. I dont know whats going on with me, ive been like that for some time.

Theres some things i badly wanna do, like live a Godly life. But its just so hard. Im suppose to be living in the world but not of the world. Instead im just like any non-christian. And sometimes, i know i cant manage it on my own, but then i still refuse to seek His help. Dumb, yeah, and stupid and foolish. i really cant go on like that, ill end up suffocating to death. Yet, God is so merciful and forgiving. He knows what im struggling with, and He provides help for me, in every way possible.

Next year, will be really challenging for me, i will be taking up more resposibilities and ill probably stress more. haha. yeah, more work for me and more activities coming my way. Great. oh well, mum always tells me how serving the Lord will mold my character and turn me into a better person. Guess thats really true. And im waiting for the breakthroughs ive been expecting. Hoping that it'll come to pass next year.

Sometimes, i just wish i could just drop everything and dont care. For being a follower of Him is just so tough. Im not allowed to do this, or i cant do that, cant have this or cant have that. Why cant i just be normal? Live life like i want to. Sometimes i even find myself questioning God. Why? Because we're all part of His wonderful plan. Im just not seing the big picture. I need to open my spiritual eyes and see past all these. See past all the bad stuff.

Father, i dont know whats going on, why are things happening like this? I need Your guidance. Show me the way Lord, that i may make a difference, for that is my heart's desire. Sorry for all the doubts i had in You, but i sometimes feel so lonely, that i feel like im useless. Lord, my spirit cries out to You. I dont want to die with work unfinished Lord. But my heart is just filled with so much questions, I dont know what will come next. I only know that Your strength is made perfect in my weakness. So move Lord, that i may see Your wondrous works. Give me faith Lord, that i will doubt anymore. I will work and strive towards accomplishing Your will. Help me be like You Lord. In Jesus's name i pray, Amen.